Can't Forgive You (Alternate version)

posted 16 April 2002


We started out well
We knew one another
Built sandcastles
And we worshipped each other

But the waves came in
It seems you missed the tide
We were polite
But knew our friendship had died

You stopped listening
And I declined to speak
You invented
My personality

We saw it happen
Neither wanted it to
Beyond control
We both let it continue

Trusting me enough
Just to soothe your conscience
Not knowing me
Your mind listened to itself

You gave me freedom
When it was easy
Free as a bird
But still tethered to your tree

Finally the dream
Shattered as I screamed
What I had hid
What you didn't want to hear

I burst a bubble
And you murdered my soul
I felt your words
Just like my heart had a hole

Like nails through both hands
But just a thorn in your side
A dirty secret
Not a problem once it hides

But I didn't hide
Though I did run away
Can't stand to lie
Don't want to cry every day

I want to forgive
Build sandcastles again
Forget it all
And that anything happened

When I see your face
I always hear echoes
I feel the place
And a darker world beckons

I don't want to hate
But can do nothing else
I know your crime
And I will not blame myself

You took your own fear
And combined it with hate
Wounds that won't heal
And words that won't ever fade



When did it go wrong? When did we lose touch? When did you become a man I saw but couldn't touch? When did you stop listening, was it before I stopped talking? Why did we still drift apart when we both knew it was happening and wanted it to stop? Was that not something we could control, some predetermined plot? I know you thought you knew me, but you only knew yourself. You knew what you thought of me, and wouldn't listen to anyone else. So when I said the things I said, the things you didn't want to hear, the things you weren't expecting, you gave in to your darkest fear. You unleashed words with bite and sting that cut me to the bone, that ripped my confidence away and left me all alone. I feared those wounds were mortal, but I only bled inside. We told each other "it's okay" and both knew we had lied. I don't know how I hurt you, when you only hurt yourself, but I know how you hurt me and can think of nothing else. My wounds still bleed, they will not heal, not with time or change of heart. No amount of soothing speech will smooth away my scars. I love you for the man you were, and hate what you've become. My best friend has turned enemy, a man who killed his son. I do not want to hate you, I'm desperate to forgive, but my pain will not let me, you're guilty once you live. Every time I see your face I hear the echoes of those words, I try to give you comfort but the scars reopen on my hands.

tagged with