You know what I did today? Today, I woke up around mid-day. I had a liesurely breakfast of bacon,...

posted 18 December 2002
You know what I did today?

Today, I woke up around mid-day. I had a liesurely breakfast of bacon, toast with butter and guava jelly, and a glass of grapefruit juice. I did a little work, then I grabbed an ice-cold coke and headed up to the roof. I tanned in the gloriously fierce sunshine for half an hour, then mooched over to the hot tub, where I relaxed in bubbling warm water for about an hour as the sunshine slanted into the tub. You know what this makes me think to myself? It makes me think
HA HA HA HA HA! SUCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRS!
I don't mean to rub it in or anything. But wow, this is the kind of vacation I like. I can't believe it's nearly half-finished already! *sob*

But aside from brash gloating, I have had lots of thinking time, which is fun because I like just sitting and thinking sometimes -- introspection is good for the soul, which means Matt Elton and Dan Govan must have the two healthiest souls in the entire universe -- but also bad because it means I tend to get worked up and emotional about things of little or no consequence. Take for instance, the latest Christina Aguilera video, Beautiful. It's an awful, saccharine song, but I like the video, to the point where I feel I need to constantly display it on a fifty-foot screen over my house, so the world can see it. The video concept is obvious -- people who either do or don't consider themselves beautiful -- but among the transvestites and the goths it features a perfectly ordinary (quite attractive) gay couple kissing, holding hands and smiling at each other. And fuck me if it isn't one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. It has no right being in a lousy video for a lousy song by an awful singer. It goes down into my guts and pulls out my most heartfelt wish-fulfilment fantasy. That moment between those two guys is so sweet, so wholesome, so perfect that it makes me want to laugh and cry and go "awww" and pull my hair out in frustration all at the same time. I don't like having my emotions played with like that. If this is what straight guys and girls feel like when they see Buffy and Dawson's Creek and those other hopeless-teen-romance shows, then no wonder they're so popular. I like that moment because it's so perfect, and the same time hate it because I know it's fake and it's just giving me unrealistic expectations for my own life.
Doubtless I'm reading too much into it and, above all, taking a tiny little bit of a crappy video way too seriously. But whatever.

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