Here's a thought. I was going to turn it into a blog, but this is all I managed to get down, so take it and be happy, there's intellectually starved people in the American midwest who go a whole week without seeing a good wholesome thought like this one:
On the NHS providing priority HIV tests for "men who have sex with men"
Not all men who have sex with men agree to be called gay, and not all men who call themselves gay have sex with men, either through choice or merely lack of opportunity. To be homosexual is not an identity, it's a sexual preference. The word "gay" in itself doesn't have to be an identity, but in general usage it is. And having fought since Stonewall to establish an identity for that word and defended their right to maintain that identity, it would be a betrayal of all those proud gay men who fought if other homosexuals took their identity away through some misplaced sense of political correctness.
So you don't have to be camp and like disco to have sex with men, but maybe you do have to do those things to be gay, because that's what the (majority of?) men who call themselves gay define the word as meaning.
I don't know what identity women who call themselves gay have, and if it is related to or separate from lesbians. (And I don't much care :-) )