I really hate cosmetics advertising

posted 16 November 2008

Currently on Hulu, I am forced to watch -- 3 times per every half hour -- an ad for a product called Regenerist Eye Derma-Pod Anti-Aging Triple Response System. In addition to the reality-warping product name, it comes with this mind-blowing copy:

Regenerist Eye Derma-Pod puts the benefits of three treatments at your fingertips...for radiant, younger-looking eyes.
Resurfaces — regenerates surface cells, revealing younger-looking skin
Decongests puffiness — massage helps remove excess undereye fluids
Fills lines and wrinkles — microspheres help fill creases for a smoother look
Here's my specific objections:
  1. What does regenerist mean? Maybe it's just a brand name, so I might let it pass
  2. What is a derma-pod? It translates to "stuff you put on your skin", i.e. it's a cream.
  3. The "Triple response" is actually all one function. It's like putty you plaster over the cracks in your face.
  4. What is a "radiant" eye? Eyes do not glow, so this one is pretty much pure bullshit.
  5. How exactly does it regenerate surface cells? The surface cells of skin are dead. You can't reanimate them. Nor can a topical cream cause your skin to grow more cells, the other possible meaning of "regenerate". This is also clearly bullshit.
  6. How do you "decongest" puffiness? Puffy skin is not caused by congestion. And if massage helps remove excess under-eye fluid, then what is the cream for? You can massage your face without it.
  7. Microspheres? This means "very small balls". That you are pushing into the cracks in your face. Grreat.

This is not even a particularly egregious example. All US cosmetic advertising (and there's a lot of it on Hulu) is similarly inane. Are there regulations about this crap? What you can and cannot say? I can't find any.

1 comment