Fire alarms should not be allowed to go off at 5.30 in the morning when it's below zero outside....

posted 19 October 2002
Fire alarms should not be allowed to go off at 5.30 in the morning when it's below zero outside. Ugh. I'll finish today's blog later. I'm back off to bed now.
Update 10.30am: Oh, it's another fire alarm.
Update 11.15am: And another.
Update 11.40am: And another. One of the sensors is faulty. Oh, FFS.
tagged with
0 comment

Bright feathers

posted 19 October 2002


I should be happy, out on the dancefloor,
I should be having fun with the throng,
I love this feeling, I love this music,
but tonight something just feels wrong.

Dancing usually seems a graceful thing,
A natural way to be myself,
I make love to the music, I don't need you to like it
I'll do what I want and to hell with the rest

But I suddenly find my perspective has shifted,
I'm up in the air and I'm watching the dance,
It all becomes an absurd mating ritual,
Everybody fighting for a good mating chance

Frantic gyrations, desperate for attention,
Desperate for love, bright feathers on display,
Looking around for a little attention,
Hoping for a mate to take care of me.

I close my eyes but I hope that you're looking,
I close my heart but please beat down the door
I'm not doing the two-step so I don't need a partner
But please don't leave me all alone on the floor

Stop being dumb, learn to ignore me,
Ignore what I'm saying and court me like crazy
I need the attention, though I'll cast it aside,
I'll make this hard though I don't know why.

Don't give up like all the others,
Don't move on and leave me here,
I need you desperately inside me,
I'm hiding it behind my fear.

Stop listening to what I'm saying,
Take pity on my foolish needs
Look at my bright feathers flashing,
Come over and take care of me.



I should be happy, out on the dancefloor, I should be having fun with the crowd, I love this feeling, I love this music, but somehow I'm still sad. It usually seems a graceful thing, a natural way to be myself. I make love to the dancefloor and I don't need anyone to like it. But suddenly my perspective has shifted and I'm watching myself. It all becomes an absurd mating dance, frantic gyrations desperate to attract attention, desperate for love, bright feathers on display hoping for a mate to take care of me.

I close my eyes but I hope that you're looking,
I close my heart but will you beat down the door
already?
I don't need a partner out on the dancefloor
I can dance by myself but I can't be alone

Stop being dumb, learn to ignore me, ignore what I'm saying and court me like crazy. I need the attention though I'll cast it aside, I'm going to make this hard for you though I don't know why. Don't give up like all the others, don't move on and leave me here, I need you desperately inside me, I'm hiding it behind my fear. Stop listening to what I'm saying, take pity on my foolish needs, look at my bright feathers flashing, come here and take care of me.

tagged with
0 comment

Can't Forgive You (Natural structure)

posted 19 October 2002


When did it go wrong?
When did we lose touch?
When did you become a man
I saw but couldn't touch?

When did you stop listening,
Was it before I stopped talking?
Why did we still drift apart
When we both saw it happening?

Did we want it to stop?
Was it out of control?
Some predetermined plot,
Part of some greater whole?

You thought you knew me,
But you only knew yourself.
Knew what you thought of me,
Listened to no one else.

So when I said what I said,
Things you didn't want to hear,
The things you weren't expecting,
You gave in to your fear.

You unleashed words that stung
That cut me to the bone,
That tore my confidence away
And left me all alone.

I feared the wounds were mortal,
But I only bled inside
We told each other "it's okay"
And both knew we had lied.

I don't know how I hurt you,
You only hurt yourself,
But I know how you hurt me
And can think of nothing else.

My wounds still bleed, they will not heal,
not with time or change of heart.
No amount of soothing speech
Will smooth away my scars.

I love you for the man you were,
And hate what you've become.
My best friend has turned enemy,
The man who killed his son.

I do not want to hate you,
I'm desperate to forgive,
But my pain will not let me,
You're guilty while you live.

Every time I see your face
I hear the echoes of your voice,
You're hoping for forgiveness
But you've left me with no choice



When did it go wrong? When did we lose touch? When did you become a man I saw but couldn't touch? When did you stop listening, was it before I stopped talking? Why did we still drift apart when we both knew it was happening and wanted it to stop? Was that not something we could control, some predetermined plot? I know you thought you knew me, but you only knew yourself. You knew what you thought of me, and wouldn't listen to anyone else. So when I said the things I said, the things you didn't want to hear, the things you weren't expecting, you gave in to your darkest fear. You unleashed words with bite and sting that cut me to the bone, that ripped my confidence away and left me all alone. I feared those wounds were mortal, but I only bled inside. We told each other "it's okay" and both knew we had lied. I don't know how I hurt you, when you only hurt yourself, but I know how you hurt me and can think of nothing else. My wounds still bleed, they will not heal, not with time or change of heart. No amount of soothing speech will smooth away my scars. I love you for the man you were, and hate what you've become. My best friend has turned enemy, a man who killed his son. I do not want to hate you, I'm desperate to forgive, but my pain will not let me, you're guilty once you live. Every time I see your face I hear the echoes of those words, I try to give you comfort but the scars reopen on my hands.


tagged with
2 comments