A softer world

They sold their souls. But it's funny! Meanwhile, What's wrong with the BBC website? was originally a complaint about the BBC site. But since the site is a wiki, it's now littered with comments from anonymous Beeb employees defending their work. And I do mean "littered": they just seem to stick their comments in sequentially, usually without any kind of differentiation, so the effect is of an extended monologue from a raving schizophrenic: Although some pages are kind enough to include a straightforward clickable link for RealAudio files, most only offer Stupid Embedded Players [tm], making it impossible to launch an external RealPlayer, or to bookmark. Stop restricting people's choices, you bozos! Most should give you the option of an unembedded player, but for the Radio Player, it's cos the muppets in charge wouldn't stand up to the record companies at all - that's why Radio Player can be pretty sucky at times [this is not strictly true]
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Mr. Personality

Some personality tests for you, via Republic of T (he's so cool). ENTP - "Inventor". Enthusiastic interest in everything and always sensitive to possibilities. Non-conformist and innovative. 3.2% of the total population. Take the Myers-Briggs Personality Test I get a different result every time I take a Myers-Briggs, because I'm really close to the axis for Extrovert-Introvert and Perceiving-Judging: Extroverted (E) 51.43% Introverted (I) 48.57% Intuitive (N) 65.71% Sensing (S) 34.29% Thinking (T) 73.08% Feeling (F) 26.92% Perceiving (P) 52.38% Judging (J) 47.62% I have also been INTJ and ENTP. This test had a lot of data points (the 103-question combined test) so I guess it might be more accurate than usual; I wish I'm an inventor, dunno if I really am... Conscious self Overall self Take the Enneagram Personality Test "Start cultivating internal values" to avoid a "sad and shallow life"? Eeeeek! Quick, what the hell are internal...
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Oh, closetedness, how I don't miss thee

Brad is right: Lance Arthur is hilarious, and an excellent writer generally, talking in this case about his first kiss (at 23!) with a girl, while still heavily closeted: Shannon and I went into a room by ourselves and she, without preamble, pulled me to the floor and stuck her tongue in my mouth. Two things occurred to me immediately: Firstly, golly, I'm so gay that all I can think about here is how ugly the carpet is and why on Earth did the decorator think that wallpaper would work anywhere? Secondly, it would have benefitted me to have had something to drink before this was happening because Shannon's tongue tastes like Tequila and cigarettes and ass and I am going to vomit directly down her esophagus. ...this being part of a longer article discussing how he was a late bloomer. Oh, was I ever a late bloomer. I wet the bed 'til I was 11, didn't even begin puberty until I was 15, and have still not mastered whatever primitive metamorphosis it is that requires mastery of an automobile. I also identify...
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Does Godwin's law apply here?

You are the grammar Fuhrer. All bow to your authority. You will crush all the inferior people under the soles of your jackboots, and any who question your motives will be eliminated. Your punishment is being the bane of every other person's existence, because you're constantly contradicting stupidity. Everyone will be gunning for you. Your dreams of a master race of spellers and grammarians frighten the masses. You must always watch your back. If only your power could be used for good instead of evil. What is your grammar aptitude? brought to you by Quizilla Meanwhile, elsewhere, yet another confused journalist discovers blogs. Wake up, mediocre journalists! Your careers are over!
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How obscene

In the same way that the speed of light varies depending on the medium through which it passes, so too does the speed of meme. Through the medium of blogosphere, it seems memes travel significantly faster than light. The original article appeared only this morning (in the Baltimore Sun, which must be freaking out at all the extra traffic): the Bush administration is waging war on porn. The Bush administration hates porn; remember national protection from pornography week? This is what happens when you elect crazy religious fundamentalists, especially ones like John Ashcroft who can't tell -- or doesn't care about -- the difference between pornography, art and free expression. This is the guy who covers up naked statues, because he can't stand to give press conferences in front of a brass boob, so no wonder Janet's superbowl half-boob shocked him to the core. But never fear, the blogosphere is here! Now you can have a picture of John Ashcroft composed of a collage of pornographic images. You can have it...
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The Bracket Quiz

Okay, that's it. T really needs to stop finding memes and forcing, yes forcing me to propagate them. He's evil, I tell you. He's like a virus. Let me just grab some cereal and a cup of tea, and I'll be right with you... [Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says] "Smaller stones littered the escarpment, each subtending from its eastern side a raked cone of snow, its size varying according to the nature of the stone, pointing precisely away from the point from which the west wind whistled off the distant Barriers." [Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?] The door of my closet. A physical one, not a metaphorical one. [What is the last thing you watched on TV?] The Simpsons. The episode where they discover that Maggie shot Mr. Burns. [With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?] The TV in the next room, and the occasional mumble of a housemate speaking Bloke. [When did you last step outside?] Yesterday evening,...
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You might want to change that name

So everyone's heard by now that yet another private security contractor has been killed in Iraq, this one British in Fallujah. But did anybody else catch that the name of the company he works for is Custer Battles? In other news this week, a private shipping firm is launching its new ship Titanic.
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Linkdump

Some of these have been sitting on the scratchpad for a looong time... Claim vs. fact of Condoleezza Rice's testimony This will be dreadful, unless she *really* pulls some great lines out of her ass. (Metacritic scores the Prince and Me at 44, which sounds bad, but sounds even worse when you realise that's also what it gave the abysmal Steve Martin vehicle Cheaper by the Dozen Andrew Orlowski seems to hate mess pathologically; he hates blogs because they cause "noise" and he's terrified of background packet radiation. A mess-free totalitarian state seems his idea of a good time; no wonder he lives in the US, eh? Durn't look too bad, surprisingly. Do some tests was a reminder; I've done them now. Were they warned? Seriously, I don't think anybody seriously expected September 11th, but if they had documents saying there were Al-Qaeda affiliated terrorists in the US, and yet terrorism wasn't even one of their top priorities in 2000, then they really do deserve a kicking. Preferably out of...
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I can't believe I never did this one before

Which Empire Records Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty Yep, I'm so "pseudo-intelectual" I can't even spell "intellectual". Meanwhile: Behold: The War President, an image of Dubya composed entirely of the pictures of soldiers killed since he took office. Michael Moore continues to win awards for shameless exploitation of the dead. I am fairly amused, however, at the way most of the black soldiers ended up behind his head (because they're darker, so logically the program would place them in shadows). Even digital manipulation can't get Bush to face minorities. And the human face of war is beautiful and sad in equal measure. Those people are the people I decided should die when I agreed with the Iraq war. It makes me feel guilty, because I can't see the faces of the people who haven't died because Saddam is no longer in power. I can't even prove those people exist. Maybe they don't, yet. The Google random personal picture finder is amazingly addictive, the LiveJournal version is not...
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The old debate: one night stands

This is a comment on Mikey's post, which was in turn inspired by Dan's. Which is what blogging is all about, really: conversations held with really long pauses, so you can actually think about what you want to say, and state it eloquently (or more eloquently than if you'd had 2 seconds to come up with it). Of course no relationship ever came from a one-night stand of anonymous sex, because all the ones that became relationships no longer classify their first time as anonymous, nor was it a one-night stand. It's like saying no sunken ship ever reached port*. I think it's probably true to say that most people currently in a relationship got to know each other a bit before having sex, but I think that's a false correlation. Most people are quite intimidated by sex, so most people get to know each other before they feel comfortable enough to have sex. So although people who had sex very quickly and are in stable relationships are in the minority, I think this is only because people who are...
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Speaking out of turn

Once more in response to Dan in response to myself and Mikey, who was inspired by Dan in the first place. Still following? So it is like an audition for a relationship? ... the idea that one can immediately recognise who they find attractive in the medium to long term is patently false anyways... Yes, it's like an audition for a relationship. But you do not immediately need to recognize anything long-term: it's an audition for the *sexual* part of the relationship, which you seem to be placing no importance on at all. Some of the longest-running relationships *I* know of started with sex and then turned into something else later. As I said before, I'm sure the mix is roughly proportional to the general sexual habits of the single populace, and we are just picking out the examples we like. How is a night spent getting to know someone new "wasted"? Getting to know someone, even if they turn out not to be the kind of person you want a relationship with, is a worthwhile experience -- you might learn...
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Say hello to the Master

So, via Karinski, I did the OK Cupid test. I found it interesting in that the logic of the test seems to be a lot clearer than most, and the answers more believeable. Some of the answers were sort of tricky for me, so I did the test twice with alternate answers for each of the ambiguous questions. According to the first test, I'm a Deliberate Gentle Love Master ("the Gentleman"). Switching all my wobbly answers, I became the Random Gentle Sex Master ("the Playboy"), the differences lying in my alternating introvert/extrovert, planned/spontaneous nature (I never score the same answer twice) and my equally ambivalent attitude to casual sex, which I enjoy when I get it (though I seldom do!) but disapprove of on rational grounds (it's pointless), as most recently evidenced in the conversation below with Mikey and Dan, in which I argued the case of casual sex, despite thinking in general it's a better idea to get to know people first. So on those grounds I might also be the (introverted = deliberate)...
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OK Cupid

Go now! It's great! Mikey, Dan and I have been addicted to this site for days now...
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Not who I was

Once upon a time, I was a boy who thought I was a genius Once upon a time, you told me to back that up. You took my ideas and you kicked them around, Sometimes they flew and sometimes they hit the ground The important bit is that you took them at all And I know that for that I should be truly thankful I'm not who I was Not a boy, nor a man I'm not who I was And I have you to thank Don't know who I'll be But thanks to all of you Least I know who I am Once upon a time, I was a boy who thought I knew what I was. Once upon a time, you made me think twice about that. All my silly assumptions you shot to the ground Took the world that I knew and turned it right upside down You took what they said and you proved they were wrong I still sing the same tune but now I write my own song Not who I was I can't thank you enough For not taking my shit And for calling my bluff Don't know who I'll be But thanks to all of you Least I know who I am Once upon a time, I was a boy who was all...
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Listening to...

Carly will hate me for posting a listy-blog, but whatever. Instead of just the singles I'm listening to (think the combined playlists of Xfm and, er, Smash Hits), these are the albums I'm listening to, i.e. I think the artist has merit, rather than just the song being catchy. Jellyfish - The album is called Spilt Milk, and I know you haven't heard of it, but get it right now. Part Queen, part Lemon Jelly, with a little bit of Beck mixed in for good measure, they're quirky, catchy soft rock at its unclichéd best. Scissor Sisters - Not as good as they're made out to be, but catchy. The Bee Gees-style helium vocals are infectious, especially on Tits on the Radio Outkast - Something for everyone on this big-ass double album. I prefer Andre 3000 to Big Boi although the "plot" on Andre 3000's album is a bit forced. Of the non-singles on each disc, I like Bowtie by Big Boi, so catchy, and Roses on Andre 3000. Dido - Elevator music she may be, but White Flag, Life for Rent, Mary's in India, Don't...
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It's not self-centered if everyone does it

So via Colin who as usual plundered it from the prolific T comes the "Ask me anything" meme. How it works is: you post a comment (click on the bubble in top right... I'll fix it sometime...) containing exactly 3 questions for me, about anything*. You also post the URL of your own blog, where you do the same thing, so I can ask you questions. Then in a separate post a while later, I post the answers to the questions. Ok, got that? Now go. Once you're done that, head on over and welcome Danny to the blogosphere. He has already distinguished himself as future A-list material with a classic line: I have snogged him, although he isn't a bummer. -- taken from his 100 80 Things About Me post (see? he's doing memes already!). Soon, there will be absolutely no one I know who doesn't have a blog. (I am only vaguely offended that he didn't think to ask me for space on seldo.com...) * except feminine hygeine. I don't know anything about that. Anything else, I'm an expert, but the questions are supposed...
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The Weekend Report

Had a lovely weekend with Mary (why doesn't she have a blog yet?) and Dan and Mikey who were down from Warwick for the weekend. Went to Popstarz on Friday (surprise! not like I do that nearly every week!) which was fun apart from somebody -- probably -- spiking my drink, although I didn't notice at the time. Saturday morning (after I had groaned quite thoroughly about the hangover which led us to conclude I'd been drugged the night before) we sat in the sun for a bit, watched Empire Records on DVD, a special fan edition with 16 minutes of extra footage which surprisingly really improved the movie. Then we sat in the sun for a bit more, before wandering off to Wimbledon Odeon to see Kill Bill Volume 2, which as Ed had warned was not as pretty as the first movie, but still pretty good. We followed that up with an impromptu barbecue and then several hours of amusing banter. Banter was punctuated by the first recreational use of my Twister duvet cover (fully clothed thankyew) although I suppose it depends what...
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You've got questions, we've got answers

And now, the answers to your questions... From Geoff: 1. Who's the first person you ever had a serious crush on? His name was Troy Suliman; he used to sit behind me in Chemistry class at CIC, my secondary school. He was tall, slim, had gorgeous skin, amazing cheekbones, strong jaw, long legs and an ass like rock. I had a crush on him before I even worked out that I was gay -- in fact, the strong feelings I felt whenever he was around were what prompted me to question if I was gay in the first place. Thanks for the memories, Troy ;-) 2. Would you stroll through Trafalgar Square naked at noon for $30,000? People walk through Trafalgar Square naked all the freakin' time; damn hippies. Hmm... £16000? Yeah, probably, depending how cold it was and exactly how far across the square I had to walk. Do I have to stop at the traffic lights and stuff? 'Cause that'd make me feel really stupid... 3. If your oldest friend, your mother, and the love of your life were all stricken with a lethal ailment,...
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Stalkervision™ returns

Knock yourself out. Only on when I'm not at work, naked, or sleeping. So about 7-12pm GMT. Hey, it's kinda scary when I put it like that, isn't it?
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Stop Press

Camp is out on DVD in the UK as of yesterday, and my copy arrived this morning. Awwww yeah.
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Party like it's 2000

Google has filed for IPO, the job market is humming, and yes, it's beginning to smell like 2000 again. Bring! It! On! And although it's hardly a sign of the second coming of Beenz or anything, my eldest brother has started a sports blog, so pop over and say hello :-) (middle brother has had his own domain for a few years now, a typically self-centered present from me, but doesn't use it much).
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Backlog

"Their treatment does not reflect the nature of the American people. That's not the way we do things in America." ...no, but it is how you do things in Iraq, apparently, you fuckwit. They're committing war crimes in Saddam's own torture chambers. Update: Oh, FFS. Not just them. Us, too. What is wrong with these people? Hell-oo! They're not gonna stop bombing you if you piss on them and electrocute their nads! This is not a winning strategy, fucktards! Get 26 friends together and rent a castle for £21/night for a week! We are so doing this, people. Sometime in August, we're all renting a castle. With a moat! And an underground lair! Pretty! This is a very cool ad. Mills and Boon have a manga format that is mad popular in Japan. I want to see one of these. Strictly for research purposes, you understand. The bastard won! He won! He just doubled his worldly goods! What a fucking nutter, but well done to him. The geek chart is not entirely accurate... I'm sure more people look down on pokemon...
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