I can't believe I never did this one before

posted 11 April 2004

Which Empire Records Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Yep, I'm so "pseudo-intelectual" I can't even spell "intellectual". Meanwhile:

The war president
Behold: The War President, an image of Dubya composed entirely of the pictures of soldiers killed since he took office. Michael Moore continues to win awards for shameless exploitation of the dead. I am fairly amused, however, at the way most of the black soldiers ended up behind his head (because they're darker, so logically the program would place them in shadows). Even digital manipulation can't get Bush to face minorities. And the human face of war is beautiful and sad in equal measure. Those people are the people I decided should die when I agreed with the Iraq war. It makes me feel guilty, because I can't see the faces of the people who haven't died because Saddam is no longer in power. I can't even prove those people exist. Maybe they don't, yet.

The Google random personal picture finder is amazingly addictive, the LiveJournal version is not quite so revealing (unlike the Google ones, they are pictures people intended other people to see), but they do get some great memes, like the above. Some are just plain disturbing, however. And if pseudo-gothic arty teenage angst were a source of energy, that place would be like the middle east, only with Avril Lavigne worship instead of Islam.

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The old debate: one night stands

posted 11 April 2004

This is a comment on Mikey's post, which was in turn inspired by Dan's. Which is what blogging is all about, really: conversations held with really long pauses, so you can actually think about what you want to say, and state it eloquently (or more eloquently than if you'd had 2 seconds to come up with it).

Of course no relationship ever came from a one-night stand of anonymous sex, because all the ones that became relationships no longer classify their first time as anonymous, nor was it a one-night stand. It's like saying no sunken ship ever reached port*.

I think it's probably true to say that most people currently in a relationship got to know each other a bit before having sex, but I think that's a false correlation. Most people are quite intimidated by sex, so most people get to know each other before they feel comfortable enough to have sex. So although people who had sex very quickly and are in stable relationships are in the minority, I think this is only because people who are self-confident enough** to have sex very quickly are in the minority in general.

Of course, only a subset of the people you find attractive enough to have sex with will you also find compatible enough to date, so if you have sex first you will end up sleeping with a lot of incompatible people. But if you take the other route, then you will end up spending a lot of time getting to know people who are sexually incompatible with you, and the two are of at least comparable importance. So who's to say which route is better? You might argue that emotional/intellectual compatiblity is more heavily weighted than sexual compatiblity, and so narrowing people down on that criterion should be done first. But sex being quicker than getting to know someone, one might argue that the sex-first method is more time-efficient, since no matter how much you like someone, a relationship will be nearly impossible if you cannot be physically intimate.

Having alternated between these two routes for four years now and still being single (with no relationship making it past the apparently crucial three-month mark) I can't say I have had marked success using either approach. But nor have I found one approach better or notably more successful than the other -- no matter how they started, they ended.

* Yes, I'm aware that in a few cases sunken ships have reached port. Bugger off now.

** The ability to get people into bed quickly is entirely based on confidence, not attractiveness. I can cite numerous examples, more than one of whom I've slept with myself.

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