On the length of a shower

posted 02 March 2009, updated 02 March 2009

I apparently take long showers. In my family I'm famous for it. I've never been clear whether this is because I really do take too long, or if my family are just worryingly slipshod in their personal hygiene. In order to help resolve this question, I present below a minute-by-minute log of my typical morning shower. Please compare and contrast to your own ablutions in the comments.

0:00: shower begins
0:01: start hot water running
0:05: scald hand, overcompensate with cold water
0:10: much fiddling to find correct tap positions
1:00: water now at right temp
1:01: begin getting hair wet
2:30: water finally penetrates to scalp
2:31: enjoy feeling of hot water
3:00: consider current state of personal project
3:10: resolve to do more work on personal projects
3:11: enjoy hot water more
4:00: find soap
4:05: soap face, ears, neck
4:30: inspect face for acne, by touch
4:40: be briefly irritated that one still has pimples at 27
4:45: rinse face, ears, neck
5:00: adjust shower head to direct water away from self
5:05: soap arms, chest
5:30: complicated maneuver to soap back
5:35: realize age is robbing arms of flexibility for this maneuver
5:40: be mildly depressed at this realization
6:00: soap groin, butt
6:15: briefly wonder about size of penis relative to world average
6:20: soap thighs, feet
7:00: worry about falling over on soapy feet, hitting head, dying alone in shower
7:05: consider own mortality, life achievements
7:10: resolve to do more work on personal projects
7:15: readjust shower head, begin rinsing body
7:20: consider tricky design problem in latest personal project
10:00: realise track of time has been lost
10:05: step out of shower, find watch, check time
10:30: relieved, step back into shower
10:31: hair has got too dry. Re-wet hair
10:50: debate whether there's enough time to shampoo
11:00: apply shampoo
11:15: employ vigorous head massage in superstitious belief that this prevents baldness
11:45: begin rinsing shampoo
12:30: consider conditioner
12:35: note for 1000th time that same brand shampoo and conditioner bottles are different shapes but equal volumes
12:36: wonder for 1000th time if this causes tesselation problems when packing
12:40: become briefly irritated by memory of lies in shampoo commercials
12:45: mutter to self that "up to 50% more shiny" is meaningless drivel
12:50: apply conditioner, more head massage
13:30: begin rinsing conditioner
15:00: become irritated at way conditioner never seems to rinse out properly
16:00: give up on getting all conditioner out of hair
16:05: forget that face has already been soaped
16:10: repeat face-soaping procedure, inc. acne inspection and irritation
17:00: get idea for blog post
17:05: start trying out interesting phrases for blog post, talking to self
19:00: realise track of time has again been lost
19:05: get out of shower, begin towelling hair
19:50: complete towelling hair, towel rest of body
20:00: shower complete.