I think I'm going to respond to them all like this

On 17 February 2004, Simeon Douglas wrote:

My name is Simeon Douglas a citizen of South Africa but we base in Nigeria. I am the first son of the Late former President of Nigeria. Before my Late fathers death, he left the sum of $1,500,000 US Dollars in in a coded bank account here in Nigeria. And right now my family members don't know about the money. except me and the bank manager. And I don't want my father's money to waiste just like that in the bank. So on this ground the Bank manager and some other officials of the Bank who wants to approve the Transfer of the money are demanding $6000 US Dollars to to prepare documents for the legalisation of the Transaction. Because I am already making arrangements with the Bank manager. All I am just seeking from You right now is to join me in raising the money for the legalisation of the documents of the transfer of the money, And they also want me to get a trust worthy person abroad who will provide an account to receive the money. So that there will be no suspicious eye on us.And if you are interested in joining me in this deal I will even show you the bank where the money is and I will also give you the account number and the pin code so that you can access the money in the account. All I have right now in my bank account is just $3000 US Dollars, so if you can join me in raising the remaining balance which is $3000 US Dollars I will be very greatful in doing business with you. For your assistance your share will be 30% of the whole money. and 60% will be mine. And 10% will be set aside for any expenses that me and you will spend before the transfer of the money as successfully gets to your bank account. So therefore in your reply please send down your phone number for easy communication. Here is my contact phone number 234-8055125224. Immedidtely the money get to your account I shall come down to your country for the sharing of the money.I will be expecting you r reply.

Your quick response wil will higly appreciated, Thanks very much for your understanding.

Your's Faithfully
Simeon Douglas

Dear Simeon -

Thanks for your message. What a coincidence! I, too, am the son of a deposed dictator (Augusto Pinochet*) who left me a large sum of money in a code-locked bank account here in London. I do not have $3000 to lend you, as my own bank account has only £1000** (US$2000) in it. However, the transfer fees here are much more reasonable, and I need only another $1000 to unlock my money (a sum of £400,000, or US $600,000 ).

So here's the deal: if you send me US$1000, I will unlock my money (you will receive the standard 30%, as you suggested). I can then use it to send you back $4000, which you can use to unlock your own money!

Do we have a deal?

Laurie Pinochet.

* Yes, I know he's not dead.

** As if! If I'm only that much into overdraft I'll be lucky.