Last night I had a non-sex dream.

I almost never have sex dreams, so this was by no means surprising. But this was not merely a dream in which I didn't have sex. In a very typically me way, this dream was about me almost having sex, but repeatedly failing. I was horny, there was a willing and available partner*, we were alone in the house, and... I couldn't find a condom. So I didn't have a dream about sex, I just had a dream about running around the house naked, looking for a condom.

Obviously, this makes no sense. Safe sex? In a dream? Dream sex is the one type of sex which is 100%, totally safe, in every possible way. But I didn't realise it was a dream. To add insult to injury, halfway through the dream, when my partner changed into somebody else**, and I realised it was a dream, the aggravation of realising that I'd just wasted all that time looking for a condom when I could have been having guilt-free sex woke me up. Aaaargh!

This is what a lifetime of scary HIV awareness campaigns have done to me. I can't even have unsafe sex in my fantasies.

* No, I won't tell you who it was, but I definitely shouldn't have been having sex with them.

** Won't tell you who this was either, but I couldn't possibly have sex with them, as they're straight.