I have just eaten a burger for dinner. The footie is on TV.[1] I am wearing a football t-shirt[2]. I'm drinking a pint[3].

This is it, folks. This is as heterosexual as I'm ever likely to get.

[1] England v. Sweden because the Trinidad match isn't on. Fascist programmers! It's on, but I'm actually watching an episode of Family Guy.

[2] Trinidad's, obviously.

[3] Of milk.