It's 5am and the phone rings
I knew it would be you
Don't slit your wrists tonight, hun
I've better things to do
Than rush you to ER again
And bill your mom for stomach pumps
You've got friends and they love you, hun
There's no reason to be in the dumps

It's 2am, you're drunk again
Three scared-excited in the back
You've turned the headlights off again
Doing 90 down an unlit track
He's crazy, man, he's such a freak
That's what they say about you
You love all this attention but
You don't know why they like you

The crazy boy, he's so exciting
Whatever will he think of next?
Hang on to him, he's a rollercoaster
And pray he doesn't break your neck
You're stupid, boy, and I'm your friend
I'm not daring you to jump
Why is it that you only call me
When you need your stomach pumped?

They aren't your friends, they're spectators
They've come to see your one-man show
Try to start a conversation
And we'll see how far that goes
Maybe you are crazy, baby
But not because you set that fire
You plan your stunts too carefully
And you're far too good a liar

You're crazy 'cause you have real friends
But leave us to go tend your flock
Of sensation-craving human sheep
Who giggle as you pick the locks
Maybe I'm the crazy one
I'm already in the car
Driving fast down unlit streets
Rushing you to the ER