[{"_1":2,"_31":-5,"_32":-5},"loaderData",{"_3":4},"routes/__layout/tag.$name",{"_5":6,"_7":8},"tagName","episode review","posts",[9],{"_10":11,"_12":13,"_14":15,"_16":17,"_18":19,"_20":21,"_22":23,"_24":25,"_26":-5,"_27":28,"_29":30},"id",429,"title","Smallville: the obsessive line-by-line, part 2","excerpt","Liveblogging Smallville season 4, episode 4: kryptonite love potion, Chloe goes crazy for Clark, and way too many oiled-up football players. Lots of hot boys, minimal Lana, cookie-cutter plot. Not terrible, not good. Ken-doll is really hot though.","body","\r\n\r\n

Woohoo! Another line-by-liner. We'll see how well this episode goes. Episode 1 I've already line-by-lined, episode 2 was decent, episode 3 was *dreadful*, a freak-of-the-week, pathetic-Lana-filled filler of an episode. Here's hoping for better. As usual, spoilers from the start, so stop reading now if you intend to see this show.\r\n\r\n

Ok, so... Clark's on the team. Fans of nerdy-Clark are going apeshit.\r\n
Mmmm. Football team == cute.\r\n
Ok, so the cheerleaders are evil and have kryptonite-laced gatorade love potion. Haven't people in Smallville learnt to be wary of that particular shade of green by now? Because, honestly, *we* all know that colour means trouble.\r\n
Okay, so insanely jealous lover goes apeshit with shotgun! This is entertaining, if totally whacked out.\r\n
Wow, more slow-mo bullet-time action than strictly necessary, and heat-vision in the first 2 minutes! Still ambivalent, but this might be a good episode.\r\n
Credits.\r\n
You know, Annette O'TOole looks really good for her age. Assuming she's old.\r\n
Whoa, great excuse for Lana-boy (I have yet to come up with an effective nickname) to get his shirt off.\r\n
Too much exposition in your apology, cutie. Mmm, implied sex.\r\n
Lois continues to be a pain in the ass. Good!\r\n
LOL @ the colours joke, but really, he *shouldn't* wear yellow.\r\n
He's v. cute though.\r\n
Okay, these cheerleaders are ridiculous. As is the guy holding the mirror.\r\n
Running gag! Running gag! Colours all the way.\r\n
Tight-end joke too obvious.\r\n
Does the crazy boy have amnesia? That's a bit early in the episode, surely.\r\n
Chloe is in full hurt-and-vulnerable mode. What's with the soft focus?\r\n
Oh my *god* these team members are hot.\r\n
That was the least convincing \"angry\" look ever.\r\n
Lex looks totally out of place. Why is he donating to the football team?\r\n
PHWOAR at Lex surrounded by hot naked men! This is *so* homoerotic it's unreal.\r\n
How does a multimillionaire have time to give a pep talk to a hick football team?\r\n
My favourite shot this episode: Lana's uber-cute boy, framed by a hottie's nipple. Oh yes, we love this show.\r\n
Did somebody oil down the entire team? Are the showers full of crisco?\r\n
Oh, it's a pathetic attempt to buy friendship. Lame.\r\n
If he's the assistant coach, where the hell is the coach coach? How come we never see him?\r\n
Chloe drinks evil green shit and... falls in love with Clark! Oh, FFS.\r\n
And quits the torch. And admits her love for Clark. And devotes herself totally. Okay, this episode is lame.\r\n
Crazy, CRAZY Chloe!\r\n
Lois continues to be very good at wearing low-rider jeans, mediocre at acting.\r\n
Crazy cheerleaders versus Lois! What is it about all of these girls that reminds me of Christina Aguilera?\r\n
\"The love molecule\"? Oh jesus. I can see this episode's pseudo-science is going to be particularly hard to swallow.\r\n
Chloe is going to jump Clark! This has cringe-potential.\r\n
She's coming across as totally pathetic instead of seductive.\r\n
Whoa. Did they get permission to include 20% more sex this season?\r\n
Hang on, did I miss something? What did he do to her?\r\n
Oh, and sometimes we *also* think you'll never be over Lana, Clark. But we live in hope.\r\n
Did Bo and Martha go to a marriage-counselling session recently, or is Smallville just on heat?\r\n
\"Save the day\" for this episode's dose of foreshadowing.\r\n
Bo and Clark attempt to bond. Unconvincing.\r\n
Ooh, Ken-doll! I'll call him Ken-doll!\r\n
Ken-doll is coming on too strong *now*? Now you think it's too strong, and flying *around the world and taking a different job* for you wasn't too strong?\r\n
Oh, great set-up for tension between Clark and Ken... not.\r\n
Whooooooooooooooooooa cringeworthy Chloe! And whoa chubby arms!\r\n
Lois still == sexy.\r\n
Clark drinks kryptonite and... decides to continue?\r\n
So you go *near* kryptonite, and you nearly die, but you *drink* it and you're okay?\r\n
Clark gets ass kicked in photo-montage while Chloe remains totally annoying.\r\n
Feeder plays the soundtrack while Clark remains slow to catch on.\r\n
Clark gets ass kicked by crazy-jealous ken doll. Kal-El bleeds, folks! This only happens every 3rd episode!\r\n
Oh, FFS. What the hell is Lex doing in the barn?\r\n
Oh, so his body rejects the kryptonite? Good.\r\n
Hmmm, too much exposition again, but a nice summary of why Lex loves Clark so much.\r\n
Martha Stewart joke! HA!\r\n
Wheee! Pseudo-science! Ridiculous.\r\n
Lois fails to catch on to the fact that Clark somehow knows they added meteor rock, but she *does* pick up that Clark's not got sick? Yay selective blindness! I hope it works when Clark starts wearing glasses.\r\n
HUGE THUMBS UP to Clark in a swimsuit!\r\n
Um... hula-ing guys are bizarre. And Clark's not sexy in a t-shirt. Take it off! Take it all off!\r\n
Worst opening line ever. And the worst fake-acting ever. Mmmm, Clark's abs.\r\n
Yay for sudden teenage sex. Yep, they've definitely upped their rating for this season.\r\n
Heee at Clark actually falling for the compliment! Funny.\r\n
This is funny. Very funny.\r\n
AWWWW at the virgin clark! Wait, when does Superman have sex for the first time?\r\n
Oh, this acting is terrible. Quick, get naked to distract from it!\r\n
Yeah, like Clark isn't enjoying this at all.\r\n
Oh, we're not bored at all. Clark is having sex in one room, and Chloe is wailing on Lois in the next!\r\n
He doesn't look that happy to be rescued.\r\n
Great, heat kills it! We should have worked it out earlier.\r\n
Meanwhile, during exposition-hour, the bad guy has escaped.\r\n
Mmmmmmmmm Clark versus the sexy meat. Apart from that fat one in the bad shirt.\r\n
Wait, did Lois just *ask* Clark to use his powers?\r\n
Cue the beginnings of Lois's suspicions!\r\n
And Lex continues to be lame and conciliatory. I preferred evil Lex.\r\n
What, so it just *WORE* *OFF*? No dousing the team in hot steam?\r\n
Ken doll is *really* hot.\r\n
And Clark has suspicions.\r\n
Look, it's a token non-white person! Why, that was nearly 2 seconds!\r\n
Oh boy, heroic football shit. Why the hell is Lex there?\r\n
So, when exactly does it become impressive that he can throw the ball that far? *HE'S SUPERMAN*, people!\r\n
Lamest celebration \"woo\" ever.\r\n
Mmmmm, blue. Totally his colours.\r\n
More \"superhero\" foreshadowing shite.\r\n
Chloe apologizes for being crazy... and we're trying to forget this ever happened.\r\n
She's trying honesty! Novel.\r\n
Same stupid crushed expression we've got too used to.\r\n
\"Superhero and journalist\" is *good* foreshadowing.\r\n
Awww, the tears and the smile... Chloe in a single expression.\r\n
And Lois is buggering off!\r\n
Oh, the chemistry. It's so pathetically obvious.\r\n
But she does call him \"Smallville\", which will satisfy the purists.\r\n

\r\n\r\n

Okay, in summary: pretty neutral. Lots and lots of hot boys, which they seem to have identified as a popular ingredient, positive. \"Kryptonite makes X super-effective\" cookie-cutter plot, negative. Character development: nothing to speak of. Nobody got amnesia: positive. Pseudo-science not egregriously offensive: positive. Minimal Lana time: positive. But having a lack of bad things doesn't make it a good episode.","updated",["D",1097779107000],"created",["D",1097779107000],"codename","smallville_the_obsessive_linebyline_part_2","legacy_id","3077","thumbnailUrl","published",["D",1097779107000],"draft",false,"actionData","errors"]

Posts tagged “episode review”