[{"_1":2,"_29":-5,"_30":-5},"loaderData",{"_3":4},"routes/__layout/tag.$name",{"_5":6,"_7":8},"tagName","hygiene","posts",[9],{"_10":11,"_12":13,"_14":15,"_16":17,"_18":19,"_20":21,"_22":23,"_24":-5,"_25":26,"_27":28},"id",1380,"title","On the length of a shower","excerpt","My family thinks I take long showers. To settle the debate, I present a minute-by-minute breakdown of my typical morning routine, featuring scalding water, existential crises, conditioner that never rinses out, and significant time lost contemplating personal projects, mortality, and the deceptive packaging of hair care products.","body","

I apparently take long showers. In my family I'm famous for it. I've never been clear whether this is because I really do take too long, or if my family are just worryingly slipshod in their personal hygiene. In order to help resolve this question, I present below a minute-by-minute log of my typical morning shower. Please compare and contrast to your own ablutions in the comments.\n\n

\n0:00: shower begins
\n0:01: start hot water running
\n0:05: scald hand, overcompensate with cold water
\n0:10: much fiddling to find correct tap positions
\n1:00: water now at right temp
\n1:01: begin getting hair wet
\n2:30: water finally penetrates to scalp
\n2:31: enjoy feeling of hot water
\n3:00: consider current state of personal project
\n3:10: resolve to do more work on personal projects
\n3:11: enjoy hot water more
\n4:00: find soap
\n4:05: soap face, ears, neck
\n4:30: inspect face for acne, by touch
\n4:40: be briefly irritated that one still has pimples at 27
\n4:45: rinse face, ears, neck
\n5:00: adjust shower head to direct water away from self
\n5:05: soap arms, chest
\n5:30: complicated maneuver to soap back
\n5:35: realize age is robbing arms of flexibility for this maneuver
\n5:40: be mildly depressed at this realization
\n6:00: soap groin, butt
\n6:15: briefly wonder about size of penis relative to world average
\n6:20: soap thighs, feet
\n7:00: worry about falling over on soapy feet, hitting head, dying alone in shower
\n7:05: consider own mortality, life achievements
\n7:10: resolve to do more work on personal projects
\n7:15: readjust shower head, begin rinsing body
\n7:20: consider tricky design problem in latest personal project
\n10:00: realise track of time has been lost
\n10:05: step out of shower, find watch, check time
\n10:30: relieved, step back into shower
\n10:31: hair has got too dry. Re-wet hair
\n10:50: debate whether there's enough time to shampoo
\n11:00: apply shampoo
\n11:15: employ vigorous head massage in superstitious belief that this prevents baldness
\n11:45: begin rinsing shampoo
\n12:30: consider conditioner
\n12:35: note for 1000th time that same brand shampoo and conditioner bottles are different shapes but equal volumes
\n12:36: wonder for 1000th time if this causes tesselation problems when packing
\n12:40: become briefly irritated by memory of lies in shampoo commercials
\n12:45: mutter to self that \"up to 50% more shiny\" is meaningless drivel
\n12:50: apply conditioner, more head massage
\n13:30: begin rinsing conditioner
\n15:00: become irritated at way conditioner never seems to rinse out properly
\n16:00: give up on getting all conditioner out of hair
\n16:05: forget that face has already been soaped
\n16:10: repeat face-soaping procedure, inc. acne inspection and irritation
\n17:00: get idea for blog post
\n17:05: start trying out interesting phrases for blog post, talking to self
\n19:00: realise track of time has again been lost
\n19:05: get out of shower, begin towelling hair
\n19:50: complete towelling hair, towel rest of body
\n20:00: shower complete.
\n

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Posts tagged “hygiene”