[{"_1":2,"_31":-5,"_32":-5},"loaderData",{"_3":4},"routes/__layout/tag.$name",{"_5":6,"_7":8},"tagName","secret feelings","posts",[9],{"_10":11,"_12":13,"_14":15,"_16":17,"_18":19,"_20":21,"_22":23,"_24":25,"_26":-5,"_27":28,"_29":30},"id",870,"title","The Beauty","excerpt","I'm in love with someone I can never approach or even look at directly. Every stolen glance brings equal pleasure and pain. I don't know if they feel the same. I can't ask. I can't even say their name. My secret stays buried in guilt and silence.","body","\r
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There's a beauty in my life,\r
\nA beauty all the world can see.\r
\nA beauty that cuts like a knife,\r
\nA beauty that's denied to me.\r
\n\r
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The beauty has me in its grip,\r
\nIt's perfect, each and every way.\r
\nBut I can never make a slip,\r
\nAnd give my guilty thoughts away.\r
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The beauty there is not for me,\r
\nAnd I'm the only one that sees it.\r
\nMy life's a painful irony,\r
\nA joke that no one else will get.\r
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I take a hundred thousand glances,\r
\nOut the corner of my eye.\r
\nEach day I take a million chances,\r
\nBut I keep up my life's great lie.\r
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A masterpiece of shape and fit,\r
\nExists for all the world to see.\r
\nBut I cannot gaze upon it,\r
\nThe ones who look can't include me.\r
\n\r
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My beauty's eyes are magnetized,\r
\nI barely pull my gaze away,\r
\nBut never will those magnet eyes\r
\nTurn to my face and ever stay.\r
\n\r
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Oh how I want to gaze forever\r
\nAt that beauty pure and sweet!\r
\nHow I know that I will never\r
\nThat ambition ever meet!\r
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Does the beauty want to face me?\r
\nDoes the beauty turn my way?\r
\nDoes the beauty wish to meet me?\r
\nWould my beauty ever say?\r
\n\r
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No, I know the answers there,\r
\nThough I wish the truth were lie.\r
\nIf there's a beauty out there somewhere,\r
\nIt hides itself as well as I.\r
\n\r
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Every day I taste the scent\r
\nOf the world's finest bouquet.\r
\nAnd though I'll always long to sip,\r
\nThe cup will never pass my way.\r
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Yes, the wine that is my beauty\r
\nIs a deep and potent brew,\r
\nAnd though there's wine to fill the sea,\r
\nThe fates tell me \"it's not for you.\"\r
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My days are filled with painful glances,\r
\nFor the pleasure they provide.\r
\nBut for every glance I take,\r
\nMy pain is tenfold magnified.\r
\n\r
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For mine is a pain of cold denial,\r
\nThe denial of an empty space.\r
\nA space created by a question,\r
\nWith nothing in the answer's place.\r
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Each day I die a little more,\r
\nAs I steal another glance.\r
\nBut I will never close the door,\r
\nAs long as there remains a chance...\r
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I have a terrible secret,\r
\nIt's wrapped in guilt and shame.\r
\nAnd until I give it to the world,\r
\nI cannot name my beauty's name!\r
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Every day I see a beauty, a complete, sublime, heart-breakingly beautiful figure. But I can't tell them about my feelings. I can't tell anyone about my feelings, because they're feelings I'm not supposed to have. I can't even look at the beauty. I have to pretend I can't see it, pretend it's not there, pretend a hundred thousand furtive glances at it every time I'm near it are all casual glances at other things. I can look everywhere but straight ahead. A beauty greater than any other I've seen exists and I have never seen it all at once, because I can't be seen to be seeing. I can never look into the eyes of the beauty as I so long to do and just drink in endlessly the sensation of their beauty.\r
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Does the beauty feel the same way? I don't know, because there's no way to tell them. Does the beauty look at me? I don't know. Does anyone look at me? Is there some hidden beauty in the world that hides its glances as skillfully as I hide mine? I can't tell. And I'll never find out, because there's no way for them to tell me. Every day I sniff a thousand times the aroma of the sweetest wine, but each scent is fleeting and insubstantial, and no matter how many times the mere scent overpowers my senses, I can never take even the tiniest sip from a cup that could hold oceans.\r
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Every day I steal a hundred fleeting images for the enormous pleasure they provide, but with each glance comes a stabbing pain of denial, endless, constant, unthinking, unfeeling denial, the denial of a brick wall, the denial of an empty space, a denial far worse than mere rejection in its uncertainty. The pain is slowly killing me, the pain is real and endless, and the more I try to ease my pain, the worse it gets, it's like a drug, a perfect drug that never kills me but drives me ever onward to an unfulfilled infinity.\r
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\n","updated",["D",1018929126000],"created",["D",1018929126000],"codename","the_beauty","legacy_id","2475","thumbnailUrl","published",["D",1018929126000],"draft",false,"actionData","errors"]

Posts tagged “secret feelings”