[{"_1":2,"_30":-5,"_31":-5},"loaderData",{"_3":4},"routes/__layout/tag.$name",{"_5":6,"_7":8},"tagName","social pressure","posts",[9],{"_10":11,"_12":13,"_14":15,"_16":17,"_18":19,"_20":21,"_22":23,"_24":25,"_26":27,"_28":29},"id",877,"title","Who and Why","excerpt","A poem wrestling with guilt, shame, and the crushing weight of others' judgment. I question why I internalize their bigotry, why I can't cast it aside, and reckon with a darker truth: I might be just like them if I weren't the one they condemn.","body","\r
\n\r
\n

Why the guilt,\r
\nwhy the shame,\r
\nwhy the constant endless pain?\r
\n\r
\n

Is it right\r
\nthat they sleep at night,\r
\nnot knowing they've condemned me?\r
\n\r
\n

Why must I\r
\nfeel I should die\r
\nto satisfy another's plan?\r
\n\r
\n

Who are they\r
\nto look at me,\r
\nand pronounce upon what is right?\r
\n\r
\n

Who's to say\r
\nthat I have come\r
\nfrom the dark or from the light?\r
\n\r
\n

Why must I\r
\njudge myself\r
\nupon the empty words of others?\r
\n\r
\n

Why am I\r
\nnot strong enough\r
\nto stand up with the others?\r
\n\r
\n

Why does every\r
\nbackward glance,\r
\nevery moment's brief distraction,\r
\nin my mind\r
\ngrow many times\r
\nto a storm of violent action?\r
\n\r
\n

Why do I\r
\nfeel constant eyes,\r
\nwatchful, judgeful on my back?\r
\n\r
\n

Every devious thing I do,\r
\nanother hour\r
\non the rack.\r
\n\r
\n

Surely retribution's coming,\r
\nmarked up in a tally book,\r
\nwaiting for a final slip, an evil thought, a misplaced look.\r
\n\r
\n

Why must I\r
\ntake heed of them,\r
\nwhy can I not cast aside\r
\na thousand years\r
\nof bigotry\r
\nand hatred taken from the sky?\r
\n\r
\n

And why must I\r
\nbe the unknown\r
\nthat draws a fear in every heart,\r
\nwhy must I\r
\nbe all alone,\r
\ntorn from what I was once a part?\r
\n\r
\n

The evil thought\r
\ncomes up to me:\r
\nif I were to fall back to grace,\r
\nI feel that I\r
\nwould be as them,\r
\nI'd have that sneer upon my face.\r
\n\r
\n

I'd hate me for being\r
\nwhat I am,\r
\nI'd swallow all the bigotry,\r
\nI'd beat and kick\r
\nand kill and scream\r
\nfor just a look upon my face.\r
\n\r
\n

Who am I\r
\nto judge of them,\r
\nto judge of those who judge of me?\r
\nI know that I\r
\nwould be as them\r
\nif I were not what I must be.\r
\n\r
\n","updated",["D",1020581078000],"created",["D",1020581078000],"codename","who_and_why","legacy_id","2482","published",["D",1020581078000],"draft",false,"actionData","errors"]

Posts tagged “social pressure”