Posts tagged “lgbtq”

As a teenager I planned my own suicide with a specific date. I missed it, and that changed everything. Now I think of my life as a bonus round: the scoreboard is off, I can't win or lose, and everything I do beats the alternative of nothing.

The web saved my life as a suicidal, closeted gay teenager in Trinidad, connecting me to people and information I desperately needed. It then taught me everything I know. That's why I've spent nearly 20 years building websites, and why I'm driven to make it easier for others to build them too.

Yes, I want to expose your children to homosexuality. Not for political correctness, but because some of those kids are gay, and shielding them from any depiction of it tells them something is wrong with them. Explaining two boys kissing is no harder than explaining a prince kissing a princess.

I'm a gay man who grew up closeted in Trinidad, attending a Catholic boys school, contemplating suicide. I'm writing this for gay kids who need to hear what I needed to hear then: it gets better. Leave your town, come out to friends, fall in love. I was so wrong to despair.

The recent string of gay teen suicides is heartbreaking, but it's not a sudden surge. Three gay teenagers kill themselves every day in America. For every name you've heard this week, there are eighteen more you haven't. This is an ongoing crisis, not a news cycle.

A Vermont mother wrote a brilliant letter defending her gay son. The standout line: "If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you." I want it everywhere.

A fun comparison of "awful gays" and "awful nerds" with my friend Isaac, mapping the worst stereotypes of both subcultures side by side. Turns out misogyny, relationship failures, and Goth high school phases transcend orientation and interests alike.

A musical retelling of *A Midsummer Night's Dream* about a gay boy with a potion that turns people gay. Singing, dancing, hot boys in glitter pants. It's my perfect film and I can't find it playing anywhere, not even in San Francisco.

I've always been drawn to boys. Every one of them. The way they move, their features, their smiles. I can't help but notice. It's spring, I'm gay, and this is my rambling love letter to the essence of boy. More valuable than cat pictures. Probably.

Gay teens denied normal adolescent development become emotionally stunted adults, making "gay culture" seem dysfunctional. But that dysfunction is our doing, not theirs. Things improve as kids come out younger and just live their lives. Stop tolerating gayness. Stop noticing it. Just love your kids unconditionally.

Went out in the Castro last night and was reminded why I don't do that anymore. It was like a religious right fever dream of gay stereotypes. I know better than to generalize, but wow. Note to self: those are not my people.

I'm building a FAQ for well-meaning straight people who have questions about gay people but are too embarrassed to ask. I need your help: what questions should I include? Submit via comments or email, anonymously if you prefer.

I'm subscribed to the AFA newsletter for laughs, and they deliver. They're claiming their boycott is tanking Ford's sales, ignoring that Ford has been declining for a decade. Better yet, gay people not buying Fords apparently proves gay disloyalty rather than the absence of any agenda.

(I am way below quota on blog entries this month folks; sorry!) This weekend was my first Gay Pride weekend in San Francisco, and as is customary around this time, one stops to think about the whole concept of being "proud" of one's sexuality. What's it about, really? For one thing, having a big parade where everybody goes overboard with stereotypes -- dykes on bikes, muscle marys, leather daddies, drag queens and twinks (sexy though they may be) -- doesn't exactly send the right message about what gay people are really like. Of course, a parade that accurately represented homosexuals would be 90% completely ordinary people, and that would make for a pretty dull parade ("...and here come the gay accountants!"). For another, having a big parade where people go over the top to show how WONDERFUL it is to be gay smacks a little -- no, a lot -- of over-compensation. There is no reason life as a homosexual cannot be absolutely as fun, fulfilling and happy as life as a heterosexual can be. Going...

A List Apart is surveying the web development profession. Take it if your job involves web work. Also: the AFA's anti-gay boycott survey is fraudulent, always showing the same fake results. Blog about their dishonesty.

Drinking and snark at an anti-Burning Man party, winning $11 at a lesbian poker night, and spending Easter watching drag queens, gay men, and hunky Jesus competitions in the park. San Francisco, I love you.

A CSS joke for gay web developers: `p.flag`. You either get it or you don't.

Walking down Old Compton Street gives me a rare, warm sense of belonging among people who share my sexuality and history. I wonder: is this what straight people feel everywhere, all the time? And if so, is one street's concentrated freedom worth being ghettoized everywhere else?

Four years ago I blogged about a cute geek from an Apple Switch ad, convinced he was gay. He denied it. Turns out I was right -- he came out last year. Great news, except I was apparently one of the creepy guys who made that period harder for him. Sorry, Jeremiah.

Burger, footie, football shirt, pint of milk. This is peak heterosexuality for me, and I'm watching Family Guy in a Trinidad shirt.

Really enjoying my new job at Yahoo! The team is great, the work is genuinely interesting, and a long boozy leaving do revealed nobody said anything homophobic all night, which is reassuring since I still haven't figured out how to come out at work.

George Takei came out today. CNN marked the occasion with the gayest photo they could find. Also worth knowing: he spent ages 4-8 in a Japanese internment camp. America, you've had your moments.

Simon Hobart built spaces where people could be themselves, find community, and lose themselves in music and joy. That's not a small thing. The man who kept Popstarz open the night after 7/7, just because people needed somewhere to go, was genuinely great. He'll be missed.

Lovely barbecue turned into a long, relaxed evening. Then had to "play it straight" giving Dom a lift home, which somehow left him unable to navigate his own street. His excuse: being gay. Apparently it explains most things. I'm considering trying it when my next project is late.

Saw *Beautiful Boxer* at the London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival. Stunning during transition, less so before or after. I'm still not sure if I wanted him or wanted to be him. Great film, but I won't be taking up kickboxing or changing sex anytime soon.

I weigh in on whether London lives up to its gay fantasy reputation. It's great for meeting people and building a social life, but lonely at first and expensive always. Your world is defined by your friends, not your city, and that takes effort anywhere.

Moving to Finsbury Park. Blogging may pause briefly. Also, best line of the day: being gay is a choice the same way opening your eyes is a choice. You could keep them shut, but you'd be blind your whole life.

The Scissor Sisters' debut tracklist maps the lifecycle of The Gay Pop Artist, from innocent twink with fag-hag to scene queen to bitter, dried-out wreck. Laura doesn't fit, but the rest holds up. Too tired to analyze further. Run with it.

A great weekend of dancing at Popstarz, where I attract exclusively straight female admirers despite being in a gay club. Also, my family visited: lovely people, but together they still treat me like the baby of the family, and nothing I say gets taken seriously. Twenty-two years old and counting.

Got into a homophobic confrontation on the night bus home from Popstarz. Four thugs hogging seats, making slurs. I switched seats to help a friend, got physically shoved off. Then, stupidly, mouthed off as I left the bus. Did I bring it on myself? Partly. But I refuse to apologize for existing.

Had an amazing weekend on a boat with 450 gay men, a 4am breakfast, and loads of new friends. Too tired to blog properly, so here are some quiz results instead.

A grab-bag of links: Rock Paper Saddam, sexist investment bankers, the BBC photo competition, surprisingly homo-friendly B&Bs, infinite cats, Britney's hilarious mission statement, and turning your iPod into a wireless jukebox.

My advice to someone struggling to meet gay people: skip the clubs, which mostly attract shallow party types. Instead, meet lots of people you genuinely like through friends and random events, then find the gay ones among them. Though I've met my own boyfriends online, my single status suggests I should follow my own advice.

I answer reader questions: my first crush (a Chemistry classmate who helped me realize I was gay), whether I'd streak Trafalgar Square ($30k might convince me), why I'd never move back to Trinidad, my proudest teenage moment, and what motivates me. Spoiler: fantasies of cheering crowds.

Lance Arthur's writing about being closeted and a late bloomer resonates deeply with me. I identify with all of it: the fake persona built from fear, the late puberty, the long showers. Turned out okay in the end. No grand conclusion here, just a tired nod of recognition.

Caught *200 American* at the London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival on standbys -- best seats in the house. Between that, a perfect steak, *Starsky and Hutch*, and clubbing at Popstarz, another unplanned but brilliant London week. The audience was 497 gay men and 3 women. That poster was doing its job.

I admit I judge straight people unfairly, mentally recategorizing friends I love as "not really straight" because I can't reconcile my affection for them with my distrust of their group. My heterophobia isn't rational or right, but it's where unprocessed pain goes. Sorry, breeders.

The Fab Five have been reimagined as comic book superheroes. I cannot stop giggling about this.

Boy Meets Boy is now in colour for a month of Foxman comics, which means more sexy gay Asian anime-esque characters. Also, I rediscovered an old post of mine that I remember feeling desperately urgent about at the time.

It's Gay Sex Week (Oct 12-18) and I'm desperately hoping someone organizes a fundraiser just to watch CNN cover it. Also, my recent posts are giving Google some unfortunate ideas about me. I write sappy poetry, I promise.

Saw Shakespeare's R&J last night and it's brilliant in ways no review quite captures. Four repressed Catholic schoolboys secretly act out Romeo and Juliet after lights-out, but their own feelings become tangled with the text. The acting is ferociously energetic, the dual plots stunning. Go see it.

I have mixed feelings about the Harvey Milk LGBTQ school. It treats symptoms rather than the real problem: American high school culture's brutal treatment of anyone different. But since fixing that culture is nearly impossible, I'll take what I can get. At least some kids will be safe.

Doing the Friday Five this week on morning routines, even though the questions aren't great. I wake up around 9am, sleep in until 2pm on weekends, and immediately turn on my computer. Starting work again in 9 days. Breakfast out in London? I'd go broke.

Been neglecting this blog while focusing on GayGeeks. Managing multiple blogs is tough!

Enter the contest for a chance to appear in a Boy Meets Boy strip!

Caught up on a backlog of posts over at Gay Geeks, including a followup to the Tom McLaughlin case. Justice was done, though it's a shame that's the exception rather than the rule.

Reading a critical article can get you FBI-investigated now. Plus, shredding documents is no longer safe thanks to reconstruction software. Glad I'm not in the States. Also, A Straight Person's Guide to Gay Etiquette is hilarious - go read it.

Shoutout to John at Rainbow Villa, a nearly-20 semi-closeted gay boi whose writing reminds me of my younger self. He was complaining nobody links to him, so here you go, kid.

I made a Boy Meets Boy tribute desktop background. Yes, I'm bored. Yes, I like that comic way too much.

100 things about me, because everyone else was doing it and I couldn't resist. I blew the "short" requirement completely. Covers everything from being Trinidadian and gay to my Nightcrawler fixation, my terrible eating habits, and why I go by Seldo.

Being geeky and gay means double the teasing, but also double the resilience. I'd share my own coming-out story but don't have time to do it justice. Short version: all-male school, no friends, and I never even told my mom. Happy birthday, mom.

Spent the morning sleeping in, eating well, and soaking in a hot tub on the roof. I'm on vacation and it's glorious. Also spent too much time thinking about a Christina Aguilera video, of all things, and getting weirdly emotional about it. Don't judge me.

Marvel's reviving the Rawhide Kid as gay, and everyone from CNN to CBS has weighed in. My take: watered-down camp references aren't representation. If you're going to make a gay character, give him real romantic storylines. It's 2003. A gay character who never kisses a guy isn't groundbreaking.

Four years ago I came out, and with my sexuality came everything else I'd been suppressing: the twirly wrists, the giggling, the dancing. I'm not proud of being gay specifically, but I'm proud of finally being myself. And four years ago, I couldn't have said that.

I found the cute geek from Apple's Switch ads. His name is Jeremiah Cohick, and I'm convinced he's gay. He emailed to deny it, but I'm skeptical. Awkwardly, he may still be reading this.

I'm overwhelmed with projects I never finish and lonely without my uni friends around. I need a boyfriend, but my cycle of infatuation and compromise keeps failing me. I need a gay geek who's cute and likes clubbing. They basically don't exist, hence gaygeeks.org, which I haven't built yet.

A poem about a controlling mother who sees her son as an extension of herself, unable to accept who he really is. When he finally asserts his own identity, both find imperfect freedom.

Being surrounded by people who don't know I'm gay has brought back every awful feeling I'd forgotten: the guilt, the vigilance, the claustrophobia of hiding. Acceptance has to keep happening. I refuse to be recloseted again. I'll out myself, help others, and fight everything that keeps closets closed.

A link roundup: rediscovering Oasis Magazine, PHP going too far as a GUI language, C++ becoming a scripting language, UK computer parts retailers, the new Star Wars EP2 trailer, Jim Henson clips, Pop Idol's cuter contestant, Silicon Pines for tech support victims, and TightVNC for remote computing.